Solitude
by D-Channerz
Summary: To contemplate one's solitude...


Title: Solitude  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warnings/Stuff: Goku's POV, weirdness...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki... *weeps*   
  
A/N: I don't know what to say about this. ^^; I'm a huge fan of Saiyuki, and this is my first fic, so please don't flame me for OOCness...   
  
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The visions in his head were threatning to spill over and fall apart. They would crumble and be reduced to a fine powder. In turn, the wind would come and whisk it away. It was a ceremonial cleansing that he knew all too well. Of course this time, things had changed. He swore he could actually *see* the very images every time his eyes moved to stare at the blank wall of his 'room'. The picture was vivid, and traumatizing. He could hardly stand it... Had he really been in here that long?  
  
//It's so quiet that it's too loud. And empty, so empty...//  
  
A storm was building both outside and inside. The storm inside his heart was bringing him to his knees, and he wanted to scream at the thunder to scare it away. Everything else tightened painfully in his chest, and there was nothing there to pull them apart with. It grew worse and worse as time passed. Voices whispered across the empty walls with the images, and he could see the pictures all moving together in sync. The words never matched up, and the voices didn't match with the ones who spoke them. Rearranging them countless times never helped. Each time then, he would wrap his thin arms about himself and he would seem to smile as he waited for the next opportunity.  
  
//So many faces... so many faces...//  
  
Replayed memories, he knew. Memories that were his only company in such solitude. And that one bright light he couldn't seem to touch from this place on the ground, with its chains and restraints. It flickered past the most often, and he was always just out of reach. The dust would be eating away at him soon, he was sure. And the storm raged on and on. What ever was left of the debris would fall and cover him like an ashen blanket while he stared at the vacant sky.  
  
//Let me hang on to this, and I'll protect you. I know I said I would. My only promise... Where did it go wrong?//  
  
Something... Something he couldn't remember. It nagged and pulled at him, bit at his flesh. Maybe if he tried to push it forward in his head, like the rest of the memories, it could be played back for him. But nothing would bring it to mind. Scratching, clawing at everything around him- the walls, the ground, the bars -whatever was there. He bled from an open wound on his brow, trying to smash rocks against his skull and retrieve that one fragment. He wanted to keep it close by and cradle it in his arms... Strange, to hold thoughts and ideas in one's hand. A concept he was sure he had heard of once.   
  
//It's so cold. Why is it so cold? I can't... I can't...//  
  
A sound. Anything, anyone. To long for any sort of resonance, even an echo with it's recycled reverberation of tone... It would be the heaven he continued to long for. Had he always longed for it? Had this ache always been in his heart? This feeling that something so very treasured and beautiful was missing and not at all where it was supposed to be? Could he really have been foolish enough to lose it and let it slip from his fingers so easily? The raw emotions were there, but he couldn't identify them by name. No names could pass through his mouth. It may have been sealed shut without him knowing, like so many other things. But he could still cry, without the tears.  
  
//One last time. Just let me say... how much...//  
  
And his silent scream would echo for miles. And one day...  
  
"You... You're the one calling me, right?"  
  
Golden eyes looked up toward the cosmos, searching. "I... Didn't call for anyone."  
  
//This light... so warm...//  
  
A flaxen-haired angel... Such a thing was foreign to him. Or was it? His heart was pounding in his ears, and he found that he *still* couldn't remember. He realized that every word dripping from the illusion's lips was a blessing, something tempting and unattainable from where he was now. But everything else around them seemed to fade far, far away. The memories wouldn't replay any longer, and the present seemed far more captivating.   
  
"I'll take you with me. Since I don't see any other choice."   
  
He reached, like so many times before. He was scared, terrified that this... that this would all disappear. That this too, would be a memory to be locked away and repeated again and again when the shadows came to call. But he reached, higher and higher. So high, until it all melted, and the heat was consuming everything. That was all he wanted.   
  
//The one who gave me the helping hand... was the golden light... The sunlight I always admired...//  
  
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~Owari~  
  
Yay, the end. Sorry for any typos and... stuff.   
  
I hope somebody liked it... anybody at all... ._.   
  
_ I'm gonna shut up now. 


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